I recently read a piece written for New York Magazine regarding famous women who have not had children and had been quoted as to their thoughts on childlessness. This article was meant to be empowering, especially to the women of the world who have not had children either by choice or by some other unfortunate circumstance. The article had quotes from 25 amazing, inspiring, independent, strong women who were a combination of actors, politicians, musicians and writers. Women who had found real success in life, and women who I myself, look up to.
Unfortunately, when I was going through reading these quotes, looking for positive reinforcement that I’ll be ok if I don’t have children, all I heard was sadness, yearning and disappointment from the majority of these 25 women. There were very few of these women who sounded confident and satisfied with their maternal journey (or lack thereof). Quotes like “appreciate the life you have been given” and “it just wasn’t meant for me to have kids” or “it was not my destiny”. Most of them sounded like they were trying to convince themselves that they were OK being child free.
I am 33yrs, no children and single. Although many people may still consider me young enough to get pregnant, I do have to start looking at the harsh reality of not ever being able to have my own children and maybe look at some other options so that one day I too can be a mother.
Within Australia, international adoption is not a viable option as single person (the Australian Governments Attorney Generals Department quotes that “many of Australia’s partner countries do not accept adoption applications from single applicants. The countries that may accept applications from single female applicants often have a policy of prioritising couples over single applicants”).
I have a good friend who chose artificial insemination which produced a beautiful healthy baby boy. This friend does have a partner and they were able to take that journey together. Another acquaintance has also been artificially inseminated to produce a beautiful baby girl. Although this acquaintance is currently single, she has the luxury of her family living close by for support.
So if I am single and not living close to my family for support, what options am I left with? I could foster older children, but if I need a full time job to support myself and my fostered children, then I don’t think I am going to be a preferred candidate.
I would love to be a mother. I think there would be nothing more satisfying in the world than to teach someone everything you know and to give love unconditionally. Unfortunately, this may never be an opportunity I am presented with, which is quite upsetting and confronting.
There are plenty of discussions on the things you can do to achieve the fulfilment that a child brings to your life. Charity work, being a great aunty or being a big brother/big sister on the weekends for families who need respite. But does this actually fill the longingness of not having your own children?
Women who are child-less talk about having very satisfying, full and fulfilling lives with prosperous careers, endless travel opportunities, no responsibilities and a full 8hrs sleep a night. I envy these women. I envy that they can be so happy, I envy that they feel no void in their life and I envy that the looks of pity or the condolences they receive from others doesn’t bother them. If I don’t get to have my own children and be a mother one day- then this is the kind of women that I aspire to be. One of those amazing women who achieve greatness and have a completely undeniable satisfaction and joy with their meaningful childless lives.
This article was originally published by Mamamia
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